Young, Intelligent, Successful....Bulimic
Hi Everyone, my name is Rebeca and I've been Bulimic for 6 months.
I work in downtown Toronto as a Financial Analyst and am conpleting my CGA designation.
I am physically fit and sucessful in my career and studies yet I can never seem to be happy or satisfied with life...
I am often lonely...sad, depressed and demotivated. The severity of my depression has escalated n the past 6 months .
How I started:
Well, in University I put on 30 lbs. I created a very unhealthy relationship with food and became a binge eater. Only after I started getting chest pain and shortness of breath did I realize the weight gain and unhealthy diet was deteriorating my health.
I joined a gym and started eating healthy. I became obsessed with working out and preparing healthy meals. The weight and body fat dropped in a healthy way and I was in the best shape of my life. But after 8 months of not even touching anything sweet or fatty I finally gave in one day at the office. We were working very late and I was starved and swamped. The managers ordered pizza, I was soo hungry I couldn't resist. The 1 slice allowance I proposed to myself became 8 slices and I felt disgusted and guilty. I felt sicked by my actions so I went to the bathroom and purged. I felt such relief.
But the taste of pizza made me realize how much I missed desserts and junk food, however the fear of gaining the weight I worked so hard to shed was ravishing.
I decided that the only way I could eat these "bad foods" was if I purged or worked them off and that is how I started the death spiral.
Now I binge eat regularly, I eat everything and anything I crave, and I purge later.
I am so out of control, I feel helpless, so alone, sad, depressed, angry at myself for my weakness, frustrated.
I want to stop, but I love food so much and am also so afraid of gaining weight so I continue to engage in the bahaviours that are harming me so much.
I need help...
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