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Years and Years and a Fire too.

by Christine

When I was about 12 years old I was hiding near the bathroom while playing hide and seek with my brother. It being an old house there was in the cubby hole a small crack that you see the bathroom sink and mirror through. I heard a strange sound and looked through the crack. I saw my mother sticking her finger down her throat and vomiting. I don't understand why till I was 13 and heard about bulimia at school and realized what mom was doing. Then I started. Once or twice a week for years I would follow my moms lead. I stopped for a long period after I got married and had my first baby. But then hard times hit and we moved around allot and then I started college at 32. Bulimia started up again and has continued. Sometimes I go months without a Bulimic episode. But as of last 2 years it got worse. We bought some property in very rural Oklahoma and just prior to that I had join Weight Watchers and lost over X pounds the healthy way. But the move put me in the middle of no where and I could not get to a meeting less than a 50 mile round trip, with gas costs that was impossible. The money per month for the property, the fact the house on it was a half done house we were struggling to complete and getting nowhere, isolated cause of location, money problems, and my husband who is a 100 percent disabled vet, well it all put allot of strain on me and I was having anxiety attacks. I dealt with I by doing Bulimia again. Then just 2 months ago wildfire came and burnt down the house and everything I owned. Since then we had to find a new home, replace everything we could,,didn't even have a spoon to our name. The stress and anxiety has had me binging and purging 3 to 4 times a week, even when I go out to eat. And my 21 year old daughter quit school and moved back in and is adding to my stress. This week I have nearly been vomiting everyday. I just turned 43 and I know this to be very bad. I want to stop but the anxiety and stress is taking its toll on me. I can't for any reason confide in my husband, part of his disability deal with mental. I can't talk to my daughter, she has weight issues , she is over X pounds, no way do I want her to get into any more eating disorders. I can't help other unless I get my own act straight. I did confide in my son a few months ago. He was understanding and supportive but he now lives 100 miles away going to college and is very active in his own life. I have turned to this site and hoping the videos will be an answer to my prayers. I believe God will send help for his children, and I have been really praying for help that would not be something I had to let my husband or daughter know I was getting help for. The videos and community here at this site seems something that could really work, I hope.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
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