Will I ever get over this agony???....
by hana kelly
I have struggled with Anorexia (binge/purge variety) for 8 years....this year it became very bad and I was hospitalised....my BMI was by no means the lowest of other patients, but my habits were causing me hell....
I lived on cucumber for a few days, then would have an 'anorexic binge' of a bowl of cereal and then vomit. I would follow this with numerous laxatives (up to 15 a day)....I relied on codiene to take away the emotional pain I felt along with black coffee to keep me awake.
I am at the point of recovery now and have been for 6 months, sadly with numerous relapses. I would say the main cause of my relapses is the bloating.....it makes me feel awful....I have just cancelled a night out with friends due to the pain and the fact all my clothes look horrendous.....I feel desperate to relapse right this minute, but I know I will just make matters worse. I also have extremely painful 'twinges' in my back due to my weak kidney on the right side...I know if I push passed all this, I will improve, but its unbearable and as much as I am told it will pass, I do not believe it will for me, but I am sick of thinking about food every single minute of my day!!!! The conflict in my head is exhausting and I turn to prescription drugs to hide my feelings......is there ever going to be a day where i don't feel miserable???????
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