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Why do I do it to myself?

by Aria Fitz
(Nottingham, England)

I'll wake up in the morning, and intend on eating a bowl of weetabix, a bowl of weetabix turns in to three weetabix, two slices of toast, a cheese string and a bag of crisps.
I'll have a break at school and intend on having a slice of toast, this turns in to two slices of toast, a ham melt and a milkshake.
At lunch I will have no money left as I only take what I think I'll need so I will have a homemade sandwich, my friends crips that she doesn't want , a cookie and a sprite.
When I come home I am supported to wait for my mum to get home to make me some dinner but I end up having a chess toastie, another bag of crisp and a toaster strudel.
That day I won't think of my eating habits, but the next day or the next week, I'll think of what I have been eating. I will tell myself I'm going to stop, but as soon as I've said that I'll get a bag of crisps and other food that I know I shouldn't eat. It's like I'm not doing it. It is like someone else is feeding me whilst I sit there screaming don't do it. But I still do.
And for the life of me I can't think why I do it.
Why don't I stop myself?
The thing is... I can't!

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program