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Who's life is this really?

by Allison
(Dunedin, Florida)

I am 24 years old . I have been bulimic since I was 12 years old. It's scary for me to think that bulimia has been part of me for half of my life. It's a horrible beast, and there are times I don't know who is in control. When I find myself preparing to binge, I feel as though I am watching myself from across the room with no control to stop myself. I know what I am doing is bad, I know it's not healthy, yet; I can't break the cycle. The amount of shame and guilt this brings is at times unbearable. I have tried everything to break free, and honestly the ONLY thing that I have found was turning Vegan. I am proud of my eating after I became Vegan. I knew the food I was putting into myself was meant to be there, my body could productively use these nutrients. Meditation was another source of strength for me and a way for me to find my inner peace. Shortly after becoming a vegan I found love. My boyfriend (at the time) was completely supportive of my disorder. He understood it was something that I would always have to deal with just like an addict who will always be in recovery. In the beginning of our relationship there were a few times I fell into my disorder, but as time passed the support from my boyfriend and the vegan lifestyle quickly became more powerful than my disorder. A few months later my boyfriend proposed to me and we have been engaged ever since. It is very important to me have a nonjudgemental support system in place to truly be there; no matter what, someone to help without making my own shame and guilt worse.
The scary thing is that being in the medical field, I KNOW all of the health risks associated with being bulimic, but somehow when I fall into my cycle those risks just don't seem as important as my urge. I know how hard it is to live with this and I know it will always be part of me and my past, but I don't want this to rule my life ever again. I am stronger than this....and I can't wait for the day that I no longer feel these urges. ~Peace be the journey~
Thank you.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program