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what is life without bulimia?

by kymm


I am a 29 yr old female who has been bulimic since I was 6 yrs old.

I truly don't remember a day in my life with out throwing up at some point.

Even if I don't eat I vomit up the liquids just so my belly don't pouch. I don't keep down anything and I never have. It doesn't matter if it is salad, or applesauce, coffee, or juice. If it goes in I get rid of it.

My potassium levels have almost killed me. I actually wanted to die that way. I used to do everything I could to make myself die from this because I am so miserable.

I used to maintain a normal weight but I dropped 50 lbs in less than a month and a half and now I am 102lbs and I am 5'8. I think I could still lose a little more but my boyfriend thinks I am dying. I love to cook but I can no longer stand for more than a few moments without blacking out.

I sometimes start convulsing while I am standing. It feels like a seizure but I am consience. my blood pressure stays pretty low most the time but I figured it was normal since my weight is low. It has been running about 85/48 to 93/60 at the highest and my sugar levels are never normal either too high or too low. my hands, arm and face are always numb and my hands stay so cold, my finger tips get really white for no reason.

I am also a recovering alcoholic, I was fed alcohol in my baby bottle as an infant and my mother had me addicted to cold medications as well. As I got older I learned to subsitute food with alcohol. I lost a bunch of weight and kept my appiteite suppressed. I was drinking more than a half gallon of vodka a day at some points and still no one knew I had ever touched a drop. And, the whole time I would be starving. I would go days without food because the alcohol would keep me so fueled.

I know I need help but I would rather die than to be overweight, I don't even know if there is anything wrong with me physically and so far all the blood work has came back fine so I guess 23 yrs of this isn't killing me yet.

I would love a response

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program