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What I truly want for Christmas - a bulimia free life

by Sienna

Dear Santa,

For Christmas I want a mac laptop, some clothes, a pandora charm, a manicure, a new ring, a kitten and a car would be nice. However I haven't been a very good girl this year. Yes I got straight A's on my report card, a distinction for my ballet exam, most promising ballet dancer and the special choice dance award. But I've been hurting myself, destroying my life in a way you or my family could never imagine.

Truthfully, I don't want all these materialistic items for Christmas, as hard to imagine that may be. (I told my mum that's what I want, but really it's a lie). What I want is in fact something selfish. Its something for me, to help better me. All I truly want for Christmas is to recover from this. To be completely rid of this thing that has been ruining my life, body and mind for the past year. All I wish and hope for is to be bulimia free! It's been 3 weeks since my last binge and purge and my Christmas wish is for it to stay like that. I wish for peace of mind, and to stop being insecure about my self. I wish for my family to not find out about my terrible secret, and for it to never come back. I wish to never spend another day staring down the toilet, struggling with breath, or being scared to die at 16. I wish to not cry myself to sleep every night because I hate the person I've become. This has been the worst year of my life, and I wish for a better one next year. I wish to be happy, and I wish to love myself! Not resent the person I have become. I wish to not be bulimic, but be a happy, healthy teenage girl; as I should, and deserve to be.

So I ask you to please grant my wish. My parents are buying me clothes and pandoras but really, all I want is recovery. That is my Christmas wish, that is all I ask. It's nothing money can buy and nothing your elves can make. But please Santa, help me. Help me say goodbye to bulimia; forever!

Love Sienna

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program