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What can you do, when your food is eating you? Morgans Bulimia Story...

by Morgan
(Saskatoon, SK, Canada)

I'm turning 17 in little over a month. I live in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada.

I have had distorted eating since about Grade 7 but it has escalated to full-on bulimia around 5 months ago. I am 5' 8, and normally 140 pounds. I was in martial arts and very active so most of it was muscle, but I always hated how big I was. I can go on and on about how I wanted nothing more than to be waifish and petite instead of bulky, but I'm sure we've all been there and it doesn't need explaining.

Last June I finally decided to put my entire focus onto losing weight. I was dating a guy who was skinnier than me and our relationship was faltering and I felt that if I dieted he would stay with me...

He didn't. Yet after we broke up I found myself even more obessed with restricting food.

Over summer I lost around 13 pounds, and I was feeling confident. But my hair was falling out by chunks and I was cold almost all the time.

I was a very avid writer, I wrote poems and stories all the time, but since my dieting I have had terrible writer's block, which causes even more anxiety.

I also started the deadly habit of binging on foods that I missed and craved. Foods that I had forbid myself from having. My purging became more frequent.

My teeth became very sensitive and I was throwing up more blood than food.

In late September my sister told my parents see had found vomit in the toilet and my bulimia was discovered... But for some reason my families discovery of my disorder heightened my binging.

Despite me seeing all the doctors and counselors I go through cycles of having 700-1000 calories on "good" days and 5000+ on "binge" days.

My arms, legs, chest and back are thin and boney but my stomach and abdomen are always bloated and sore.

I hate throwing up, it hurts and takes up so much effort. I also hate binging, my mind frame totally changes when I'm home alone and I lose control... More than anything I want to write again.

I will beat this, it's only been half a year, most people fight this for many, in that sense I'm very lucky to be one the road to bulimia recovery already...

I'm just terrified of gaining weight in the mean time.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
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