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Wasted Time

by Brandon
(Maple Grove)

There was a time when my eating was as just a common thing. However, there was just one thing more I wanted than just being fit, it was a six pack abs. In pursuit of trying to obtain these, I lost my balanced eating habits, and so resorted to restricting for about 2 years or so.

I was bulimic for a portion of this time, maybe even a little anorexic; I am a guy, and I weighed 130 at the hight of 5' 10.5" These paradoxically comforting numbers were hard to maintain, so my body revolted and I slowly but surely began to become a strong compulsive eater.

I have since gained 60 lbs despite all efforts to dissolve this despotic behavior, and apparently, have lost more than just a good figure; I have lost, as of now, 8 months of my life in recovery from a mental disorder that stepped in to aid the eating problems. My doctors says that they are a working in conjunction with each other, not to mention other symptoms such as social perturbation.

I feel very alone, I have made it that way; and it hurts. I was a very arrogant and loud person for a while, not to mention conceited. So in some small way, I deserve this. I think that God is trying to help me see something. Because of my former figure and attitude which has now failed me, I no longer am completely comfortable around people I know. I don't know if all this happened because I did something wrong or because I let something go I should have held on to; either way here I am.

I have been seeing physicians at the Emily Program for eating disorders in St. Louis Park, MN; they understand what I am going through. I have heard from my dietician there, that 50% of the associates there have had an eating disorder; which is comforting to know, seeing that they have recovered to help others.

My hope is a small flame, but it remains. I have lost hope on several occasions only to regain it from someone's kind words or from a still small voice that tells me this isn't over. I can't help but think this is all just wasted time (Skid Row "Wasted Time") - a good listen.

I hope this post has brought some comfort to those who need it, just as I do.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program