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Wanting Babies and Wedding Dress Bought Before My Recovery Start

by k

I started to recover about 6 weeks ago. I decided that I was getting married and wanted to have children. I had thought that I wanted to have kids before but, I never wanted them enough to quit the b/p episodes. I call them episodes because it happened routinely. I started to go to the obgyn with my fiance to see about having children over a year ago. This was a selfish and ridiculous thing for me to even try. I knew that my fiance wanted children and if I was to be with him forever I wanted that too. I tried to quit but, not really. I feared any weight gain. My obgyn prescribed me clomid and femara. Both of which, thankfully did not make me get pregnant. He told me after a year of trying (and after a year of telling no one, including my obgyn that I had this hideous disease) he could no longer help me. He turned me to a fertility specialist. The cost of which I couldn't ever afford. If only I could stop. So, within this time I had to plan a wedding. I bought a dress while I still b/p and got it altered before recovery. So, 6 weeks ago, I started to eat normally and do this with pride. I also had previously been a drug addict and knew if I could beat that, I could quit anything. Also, I did stop drinking and smoking cigarettes. I know, I sound like a health class. All in all I feel great right now. My pants are tight but, I'll get over it. So, the wedding is Sunday and I finally got my dress back this past Sat. I was terrified for 1.5 months that I would not fit anymore. I had been doing my same exercises but eating very healthy. I am not eating under X calories a day and not over exercising. I tried on my dress and it was snug but, it fits!!! thank goodness! I feel much better that my weight isn't anything to worry about. I noticed that my pants are tight but, I see changes in my body every day. Great changes. My love handles are dwindling and my body is toning itself. My fiance tells me that I am sexy and look great! I believe him. Some days I still get crazy and think I look terrible but, I know it's just mental issues I need to get over. I still feel bloated but it's not nearly how it was the first few weeks. A hint to everyone who feels gross, peppermint oil is my best friend for bloating! Try it, it comes in pill form and you will feel better. Trust me, don't make yourself suffer anymore. Regardless of when you start to recover (not saying I'm healed or doing better than ever yet)you're gonna feel like crap. Do it now before you have to prolong the pain. I wish I would have done it years ago since I've had this disease for over ten years. I'm proud of myself for where I am today. I just wish I was able to tell people but at least I can talk about it on here.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
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