Want to be done with Bulimia... but don't want to lose my best friend?
Everyone I know seems to think I'm a really nice person and have it all together. Little do they know, that I stuff myself and purge at every chance I can get. I've been doing this now for over 12 years and really don't know how to stop. I'm so scared of it and what its doing to my body but just can't stop.
What makes me so mad is that its not like I've got an incurable disease. This is my choice to continue with it & my choice to not give it up. Thats what makes me so angry with myself. How weak must I be to constantly give into this devil in my mind.
Its so hard because you don't know where to turn to. You're too embarrassed to talk to family & friends & so end up calling strangers in clinics & hotlines only to discover that they don't really care at all about you. I've tried many times to rid myself of this but somehow I always come back to it....I always come back to my best friend who accepts me no matter what.
I'm so glad that I've found this website as I feel like I've instantly met a whole lot of friends who are in the same boat and trying to get out. I'm not alone in this challenge and am going to try my damnest to get over it. Thank you Shaye for coming out of the dark and helping us to see the light.
A response from shaye
Wow - it always amazes me how similar we (bulimics) all are - Your bulimia story sounds EXACTLY like mine... It actually made my heart skip a beat as it reminded me of when I was in your boat - doing the exact same things - and not understanding why I did what I did.
The first thing you need to realise is that YES, Bulimia isn't a disease and for some reason or another a long time ago you started it... It wasn't necessary and it was your choice... BUT... There were circumstances that drove you to starting it - and those circumstances weren't your fault. We live in an image conscious society - and sometimes we do things that we know we shouldn't do... to be somebody who we think we want to be.
Starting bulimia was your choice - but not your fault! Recovering from bulimia is your choice - but it is much harder than going "Alright, today I stop... I'm over this" Unfortunately it isn't that easy. BUT IT CAN BE DONE!
My first step of advice is to invest the time and money into finding the best bulimia therapist that you can. This is an investment in your health that you WILL NOT regret! My second piece of advice is to slowly start opening up to people who truly care about you. People you know will not judge you. This is SO difficult - but once you start to do it you realise that the world wont hate you because you're bulimic...
To the people you open up to - Bulimia will not be WHO YOU ARE - but something you struggle with. I think as Bulimics we see ourselves as the illness - nothing more. To others we are a whole person - with a problem.
Please keep in touch - your story really struck a chord with me as it is just so similar to mine. I'd love to hear about your progress from day to day - week to week... Even if you feel there isn't much.
Keep in touch and stay strong...
All the love,
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