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Vanilla Ice Cream

by Anna Elise
(Phoenix Arizona )

I can't remember exactly when it began but I think somewhere around fourth grade. As a kid I loved food and was not fat but a little chubby. This was the year that I had my first crush , he liked me too and we were extremely happy together but I wanted to always look good around him and began cutting back greatly on the amount that I was eating. My older sister noticed this imidiatly and was worried , she was three years older then me and going through a difficult time in school. Only a few months later she was hospitalized for anorexia , and I was extremely underweight and unhappy . My mom went to stay with her so I was left alone at home with my father who was not very understanding of the whole issue. After a few weeks in the hospital my sister was transferred to an eating disorder program where I was allowed to vist her. She hated me, and that was extremely painful I began trying to make myself throw up but wasn't successful for a little while I had absolutely no idea what to do. My mother made me eat vanilla ice cream for the first time with my sister so I would not make her feel bad. I was so bitter and upset I remember running to the shower turning the water on and shoving my finger down my throat , I knew the effect of bulimia and told myself that this was a one time thing .

Over the years I had also developed OCD and this became a very addict ing behavior. In the beginning I was puking everyday at least once slowly it moved up to four times. By the time I had entered sixth grade I was able to stop and only do it on occasion when I felt depressed. I began to gain weight and was beginning to become overweight throughout seventh grade. My sister has recovered now but we are never going to have the same relationship that we had before.

Just this year I have began throwing up again on a daily bases I and am 5 ft about X pounds which I feel is slightly overweight. Nobody in my family has know that I have ever made myself puke and I don't think I am able to tell them for many reasons. I did however open up to a friend who I suspected had eating issues as well and found that my assumptions were correct she had had anorexia and bulimia at a young age but to my relief she is better now and wants to help me overcome my issues as well. I am not sure what I am going to do but I still want to lose quite a bit of weight and although I exercise and am fairly active that does not seem to help me lose weight.

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