trying to recover when pregnant

by sarah
(manchester)

I am 24 and have been bulimic since I was 14, I was always the chubby kid because I loved my dinners but when I got to high school this was when it started...

It was my first boyfriend that I really liked and he said I was fat and it broke my heart then off different people and my confidence shattered. Everybody always thought I was a tough nut as I had a big mouth but inside I was broken.

I first made myself sick when a friend said she wanted to loose weight and would consider making herself sick but she didnt want to rot her teeth and thats when it started. First I just used to do it on the weekends, Id hardly eat anything in the week and when it got to weekend that was my break to eat what I wanted but I did'nt want to gain weight so I started vomitting, this continued over the next few years then I met another partner that I was with for four years and I started to have more confidence and I trusted him with my life then he started sleeping with my friend under my nose for months, I knew they were at it but nobody would beleive me which hurt me beacuse my friends and family believed him over me, well it all come out and I was heartbroken, she was a size six and that triggered my head it was beacause I was fat...

Then I starved my self and lost X stone, I didnt want to put the weight back on so when the pains were that bad I would eat as much as I could and purge. This last year has been the worst I have an amazing fiancee but we have been through alot, splitting up, moving away from my friends and losing my job, now it is not about gaining the weight everytime I am stressed or feel down I will purge, that is my way of feeling good. '

Myself and partner have been trying for a baby for two years and I am now 8 weeks pregnant and have vomited a few times but I really want to get better for me and my baby, I need the strength to get through this horrible disease and be normal.