Trying and Losing... Lucy's Bulimia Story
I'm 17, 5'1" and 44 kg. I started out as an anorexic when i came home one day and looked into the mirror and saw just how GIGANTIC I was at 51 kg. So I started counting calories, and restricting, and eventually i lost 10 kg, along with my period. But I was feeling pretty good with my weight, at 41 kg, I can fit into a size 00.
Then mom came along and the force feeding, tears and the "guilt treatment" began. I felt that if I don't eat, I'm going to make mom cry, and dad worry, and I would probably end up with osteoporosis without my period.
So I ate, and ate, and ate. Sometimes, it's 3000 calories in one sitting. Sometimes more. Cereal, fruits, granola bars, cookies, cakes, ice cream, nuts, oatmeal, peanut butter sandwiches...you name it. It always start with maybe a cookie after dinner, or that extra bite of chicken I ate during dinner. Then I'd feel that I must stuff myself to a point that I need to vomit, and then I can go to the bathroom and stick my toothbrush down my throat. When puking doesn't work, I'd take laxatives, embarrassing as it is, I couldn't stand the thought of all that food staying in my stomach.
Of course, I gained weight. And the more I gained, the more I binged, thinking that "If I'm this fat already, might as well just give it all up and eat more."
So now, I can't focus in school (used to be a straight A student), I can't think about anything but food, and what I'm going to eat, and how fat I am. I need to recover, but I don't know where to start. Mom knows I'm vomiting sometimes, and threatens that if I don't stop she's going to take something I treasure away.
By the way, I should be studying for a major biology exam tomorrow, but I can't stop thinking about bulimia and the binge I've just had, and when all those laxatives that I just took are going to kick in.
Gosh, I hope my story won't depress anyone...
A response from shaye
Lucy... Firstly I have to say that your story is so similar to mine!
And... I recovered... so you can too! It's not easy... but bulimia recovery is possible.
The fist thing I would recommend doing is talking to your mom about it seriously... Letting her know that it is actually a serious psychological disorder and should be taken as seriously as anorexia.
Bulimia can kill... and it happens more often than people realize. Tell your mom to read my website to get information on bulimia... so she realizes that threats of taking things away from you wont help... It actually makes the situation worse. You need love and understanding... not threats!
Perhaps go to your local library and get some books on bulimia out... Read them... and get your mom to read them too. It's very important that she understands your suffering.
It is really hard to talk about bulimia... but it's an important part of the bulimia recovery. Once you have talked to your mom about it... Try to find a therapist or counselor to go to.
I can't stress how essential this is if you want to be free of bulimia and free of how it rules your life.
Talking to a therapist might be hard at first... But it will help so much. Please do it!You deserve to be happy and healthy
... it makes me so sad to think that you are going through what I know is so difficult.
Please keep me posted on what you decide to do... I am here to offer any help... or answer any questions that you may have!
Keep your chin up.