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Trapped and scared things will never change :(

by Danielle
(London, UK)

Hello all, I'm hoping in that by honestly sharing something will shift for me. God knows I've tried everything else. Food controls my life. Its all I think about nowdays, its what gets me up in the morning. Each place I go I think about what I will eat on the way. Each day I surrender and say tomorrow will be different. I buy biscuits and cakes and swear I will have just one. I'm sad and miserable. I kept my weight down but always feel fat. So I figured two weeks ago I would just eat what I wanted and that has just made things worse. I lack motivation,I want to isolate and hide, I wake each morning with real anxiety, and I just can't face another day stuck in this binge purge awful cycle. Being sick is awful. Its mindless and makes my life hell. Yet I can't seem to stop for long. When I have a good few days it seems like the most bizarre thing in the world to do. My way of escaping had imprisoned me. I simply have to avoid certain foods. I've been to OA and got huge identification, but maybe I wasn't ready to let go of my way of way of coping is destroying me...I'm bloated, anxious and sick of this cycle. The most crazy thing is I am a therapist, I'm in therapy, I have so much support, it makes things harder. Its like why am I such a mess! Still! Any comments or suggestions would be most welcome.I don't want to spend my life feeling like this and so obsessed with this addiction. Love and thanks to all

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program