Trapped and scared things will never change :(
Hello all, I'm hoping in that by honestly sharing something will shift for me. God knows I've tried everything else. Food controls my life. Its all I think about nowdays, its what gets me up in the morning. Each place I go I think about what I will eat on the way. Each day I surrender and say tomorrow will be different. I buy biscuits and cakes and swear I will have just one. I'm sad and miserable. I kept my weight down but always feel fat. So I figured two weeks ago I would just eat what I wanted and that has just made things worse. I lack motivation,I want to isolate and hide, I wake each morning with real anxiety, and I just can't face another day stuck in this binge purge awful cycle. Being sick is awful. Its mindless and makes my life hell. Yet I can't seem to stop for long. When I have a good few days it seems like the most bizarre thing in the world to do. My way of escaping had imprisoned me. I simply have to avoid certain foods. I've been to OA and got huge identification, but maybe I wasn't ready to let go of my way of coping...my way of coping is destroying me...I'm bloated, anxious and sick of this cycle. The most crazy thing is I am a therapist, I'm in therapy, I have so much support, it makes things harder. Its like why am I such a mess! Still! Any comments or suggestions would be most welcome.I don't want to spend my life feeling like this and so obsessed with this addiction. Love and thanks to all
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to binge eating disorders.