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To You... I Am bulimic...

by Me25

I am bulimic for nearly nine years... Started with dieting. Very clearly remember first time it happened. Christmas time, full table of delicious treats. Decided to forget my diet for a night. But after I filled my belly I have received a message from this boy I really fancied, he was asking me on the date the same night. I could not turn him down, I could not go on a date bloated. So I came up with the idea of bringing all my dinner up. Little I knew this will change my life for 9 years now. Every single morning I wake up I think about it as a new start, but it never ends like it was planned. I am married for 2 years now. Even my husband has no clue about my eating disorder. I am so scared to tell him. I want to, but at the same time so terrified of disappointing him, scared that he will see me in different light. He loves me very much, and deep inside I believe he would understand me and would help me to get over this disorder,it is just so hard to find the strength to tell him. I really want to change my life, to finally enjoy it, cause at this moment half of my thought are about food or how to get rid of what i just put it my mouth. I feel like I became two people in one body. Half a day while I am at work I am perfectly healthy, eating healthy meals, busy and focused. As soon as I leave work - this strange mind turns on, strange thoughts and actions take place... Like a robot. I started hating it so much. I want to create family now, have a baby, but do not want to hurt nobody, do not want to hurt my baby, my husband , my self by having this sick habit...........

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program