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To whoever will listen

by Taylor

I'm 17 from London, I'm kinda a cliche, idk I kinda like the way I look like I'm fine with it I guess... But it's putting on weight and going back to how I used to be- it doesn't scare me, but it makes me feel kinda ashamed and deeply embarrassed- when I'm at school I drink coffee and I don't go to meals and when I do it's too much so I have to throw up because I don't exercise anymore. I'm home now and I know I'm putting on weight and becoming more untoned my mum compliments the way I look in comparison to how I looked when I lived in America- idk I'm conflicted because I think that all bodies are attractive, really, but it stops when I have to look at myself. I go through periods when I'm a really happy person it could be weeks or says- but I feel like I'm this horrible person who's such a downer about everything. Like I don't want to pour out my life story but I was bullied-ish it was more manipulation and I guess I lost all sense of respect for myself and esteem for a lot of people. I turned to art and gave up music after getting kicked out of school in america for drugs, I don't regret that part... A lot of people ask- I've thought hard about it. I met a load of great people out there but there were a few who still kinda haunt me I guess like I still hear what they have to say about me and my morals and just out look in general. I'm dating a beautiful guy, who is really innocent and maybe slightly naive to life outside of this 6th form hell hole I'm in- but he's been through a similar thing.
I've had on and off bulimia since I was 13 and I know I'll probably have it throughout my twenties-
I just hope and pray you guys don't live like woody Allen and I..... Without feathers.
This thing ruined a great childhood I don't want it ruining the rest of my life.
Good luck

taylor, london

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program