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To my fellow bulimia sufferers: THIS MEANS WAR!!!

by Laura (again)
(Australia)

Reason: Hmm, 3:00pm... You know, we haven't fed her yet today.

ED (glowering): So?

Reason (tentatively): So why don't we go and make her a banana smoothie or something? It's easy to digest...

ED (smacking its thigh): Digest!! Bahahaha! Why in hell would we want her to do that?!

Reason (taken aback): For energy! You really think she can manage a 3-hour walk on an empty stomach?

ED: She does it every day, dimwit. Anyway, you know perfectly well that I only ever let her leave the house on an empty stomach. If she eats now, that's it for the day. She'll be stuck inside again with her fatness, doing eff all. Wasting life, getting nowhere. The lazy s***!

Reason (concerned): Woah woah woah! No wonder the poor girl's depressed, what with a monster like you on her shoulder!

ED: Who the f*** cares if she's depressed, as long as she's losing weight?? When she's thin and beautiful, she'll thank me. Heck, she'll beg to marry me!

Reason (disparaging): She doesn't need to alter her looks to be beautiful! Haven't you ever heard of inner beauty?

ED: What, as in spiritual purity? Because she can achieve that through fasting! Being MODEST. Refusing food. Showing solidarity with all those starving kids out there. Now that's beauty.

Reason: Fasting! Deprivation cultivates hunger - and irritability - not beauty. Anyway, how is self-starvation going to help her help others? That makes no sense at all. If she were strong and healthy, she'd be able to do much more in the way of humanitarian aid -

ED (muttering): Whatever. That's just an excuse for gluttony.

Reason: Also, you do realise that if you make her starve herself, she'll only end up overeating later? It happens EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

ED (fiercely): Not this time. I mean it. I won't let the hunger pangs override me. And if they do... well, that's no big deal. I know how to punish her appropriately - after she's finished gorging herself, I'll just direct her feet towards the toilet. Easy as pie.

Reason (recoiling): You are so sick.

Stomach: Guyyyysss!!

ED (derisive): How insightful of you. Perhaps that's why they call me a DISORDER. WHAT?

Stomach: Grrrrrr... I'm so hungry, I think I'm going to implode!!

ED: Go ahead, then. Shrivel up.

Stomach: Please, feeeeeeeeed me NOW!!!

ED (scowling): F****** cry baby! Always pissing and moaning. How can you stand it?

Reason: But it's only natural. Hunger is a natural sensation. YOU, on the other hand, are not. Look, I really think you should pack up and go home now, buddy.

ED: Ahhhh. Is that right?? I'm sorry, perhaps you didn't read the fine print...

Reason (frowning): On what contract? I wasn't aware -

ED (triumphant): The contract! The contract! She signed it herself! She signed it on the night of my first visit, still high from purging, the loser. Here, let me read out the fine print for you. Just get it out of my pocket... Here: "To eradicate an eating disorder, the host must be ready to commit with his/her WHOLE BEING - mind, body AND SOUL - to the long and arduous journey to recovery."

Reason: Alright. Ok. And so? Body and mind... That's the stomach and me. The soul...?

ED (folding up the letter, looking smug): Well, I inhabit it, don't I? Haaaa! Good luck uprooting me!! My tendrils reach deep, deep down into that barren heart of hers, where nothing else dare grow. Her soul is dead. All shrivelled up like el Stomacho over there. So no hope for you on that front!

Reason: We will beat you, you know.

ED (smirking): Sure. Sure you will. But for you, it's also a race against time. How long d'you reckon it'll take for your friend the fatso to ulcerate? Another two months? Three at best, I'd say! And those heart pains she's been having lately... Can't be long now till the body folds against me. And when that happens, and she feels more hopeless than ever, it'll be just you, battling it out with me over a broken person. Eventually you'll realise - clever thing that you are - that she's beyond repair. Then you'll fold too. One more victory for me!

Reason: You are despicable. You seem to forget that she has friends on her side. A therapist, family... And I don't believe that her soul is shrivelled up, not at all! You've trapped her. With your twisted thoughts, your distorted perceptions, you hold her hostage. She's a caged bird. A prisoner of war. And I won't stop fighting till she's free!

ED: Well, well. How very admirable. Bring it on, then. If you dare...

Reason (fuming): Alright. That's it. THIS MEANS WAR!!!

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program