Tired of the guilt.
I was an awkward teen. Heavier and not many friends. I made one "good" one in highschool. She wasn't a very good friend. She was the most popular girl in school. Perfect body, perfect boyfriends, perfect life. I looked up to her on so many levels. When I was 15, I discovered one of her secrets to staying thin. I was disgusted! How could you throw up your food? I brushed it away. Months later I remember sitting over a large empty bowl of ice cream. I was so very full but I wanted more. I went to the bathroom with no intention of doing anything. I pulled my shirt up and stared at my chubby stomach. I was so grossed out with myself. If the sexiest girl I had ever met had to throw up her food, how could I keep mine down? If she was "fat" I was an utter cow. That was the first of many purges. I would go months without and one binge would set me off again. Twice (or more) a day consuming x calories. It would continue for months at a time. It was always the emotional times that got me. When I got to college, the freshman x caused me to join weight watchers. I lost a ton of weight with nearly no purging. Recently, however, I hit a plateau and the past 3 months have been a bulimic roller coaster. I need help. And I'm just now realizing it.
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