Time to love myself
I don't really remember how and why it started. I was 18 and it was a few months before high-school graduation. I remember it was a time when nothing I did was good enough, smart or beautiful enough. I wasn't good and beautiful enough.
I never was overweight, but in my home country, girls back hen used to be so skinny that a healthy athletic body like mine was unacceptable, or so I thought. I decided to be on a diet and failed. I was so unhappy and disssapointed of myself that I started thinking of possibilites.. and there it was. Easy and fast, or so I thought. I became a bulimic when I was 18 and only 10 years after that, I was able to say that I finally fought it.
It was a time to rediscover a lot about myself and what I wanted to do.
I left my home country and attended university away from home. I worked part-time jobs and tried to lead a somewhat normal student life. There were many, MANY ups and downs, especially in the first two years when I moved abroad...
If you asked me what changed me and made me finally really want to care for myself and my well-being-I cannot give you a proper answer. I want to be healthy and strong, so I can enjoy life and the people who love me. I want to help them and not ever again be a burden to them.
I do not even remember what changed the evil pattern.. maybe the fact that I started doing martial arts and also jogging. Or maybe the day when I saw my hair becoming thicker and my nails prettier. Maybe it was the day, when I realised that I want to live and no longer destroy myself. Maybe it was all, or a completely other reason.
I do not remember when this moment was, but I am thankful that it happened!
I am thankful to my amazing strong body and teeth because after these ten years of torture, I am still strong, my skin and hair are healthy and my teeth are in a best possible shape.
I don't know who prevented bulimia damaging my body.. nor what made this turn in my thoughts and perception of who I am and what I want. All I know is that one day I changed my priorities and made the choice to be a hero and save the world, and to never be a victim again.
I hope from the bottom of my heart that anyone in the world who suffers from bulimia will wake up one day and will learn to love themselves unconditionally. I hope they will be proud of themselves for the amazing personalities they are, and not for the bag of skin and bones that they have been trying to turn into.
May courage never leave your side :)
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