Time to face the music
I am 28 years old. I have been battling bulimia for more than 10 years. When I write this down it seems ridiculous. How can anyone function for so long with such a time consuming, exhausting, expensive, utterly pointless disease? But I have. I function in life. I dont consider it living.....because its not a life. Staring at the bottom of a toilet is not what i dreamed of as a little girl.
Sad thing is, from the outside I probably look like I'm living the dream. I don't look unwell. I have a good job, a good home, friends, parents that love me.
But no one sees me running to the supermarket at lunch to stock up with enough stodgy stuff to feed the whole office. No one sees me sitting in a toilet cubicle, cramming it down as fast as possible before heaving and heaving. No one I live with knows that as soon as I come home and go to my room and repeat this....swiftly followed by a shower to muffle my vomit noises.
When you function for so long it's hard to imagine a life without. But I don't want to reach 30 with this. My aim is to be in recovery by the time I hit it.
There is a reason why all my fiends seems to be moving on in life stages while I am sill stuck in the mind frame of a teenager having just left home. I have never had a long term relationship, i cant handle my finances to save my life, i'm forever getting myself into stupid situations. There is a reason why I cannot settle in any job/ home for very long before thinking if only I change this or that then I will be better. I need to face to the fact that unless I address the route of the problem....BULIMIA.....then I will never be content in life.
And this is the start of my recovery.
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