Throwing Up in the Sand - A Shocking Bulimia Story
The Beach Where I Was Spotted...
Today I went for a walk at the beach nearby... A beautiful beach with black shiny sand and rugged wild cliffs... A scene that could come straight from a movie or novel.
However, I remember an incident that happened there which wasn't so romantic and beautiful.
An incident which left me feeling ashamed, pathetic, crazy...
I was having a picnic with my family... Which sounds nice, but to a bulimic... it's quite scary. Terrifying in fact - when there are no toilets around... Nothing but sand, sand dunes and tussock grass.
Of course I couldn't fight the urge to eat and eat and eat.
I ate so much that I couldn't possibly keep it in...
I started plotting. How could I throw up... Where could I throw up?
The beach was relatively quiet and the lifeguards were quite far away...
I decided to go for a walk in the sand dunes and throw up when I was out of sight.
So off I went, pretending to be trouble free and lost in careless thought... wandering down the beach and meandering around the sand dunes...
Until I was out of sight.
In this remarkably beautiful setting, I did a remarkably un-beautiful thing...
I vomited... and vomited... and vomited...
I'd stop for a rest to look around and make sure nobody was coming...
Then vomit again.
When I finally finished my horrendous acts, I wiped the splatters off my chin, buried the evidence, stood up tall and began walking around the sand dune back to normalcy.
It was only then that I spotted the beautiful lifeguard, with his golden skin and shining, sweaty muscles watching me from afar with his binoculars.
But, what could I do...? Nothing.
With a little less self-dignity, I signed deeply and walked with a heavy heart back to the picnic.
A Response From Shaye
Wow, what a well told story! Thank you for sharing it with everyone!
It's sad how so many memories from beautiful places/holidays/events are tainted with memories of throwing up and binge eating.
I really hope that you can now enjoy going to this beach (looks like Piha - I recognize it!)without the burden of bulimia. I remember going to a beach once and panicking because I couldn't throw up... I decided to dig a hole in the sand, then lie with my head face down in it(as if I was sunbathing) and try to throw up...
It didn't work so well! I ended up with a sandy face and funny stares!
Take care xox
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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community