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The worst thing I ever got myself into... bulimia

by Lauren

I'm 15 and it's been about a year, maybe.. I remember the day it all started, it was after a reaaaally big dinner, and I just felt like I wanted to get it all out! so I told myself, i'll just do this once, just this one time. But of course, the next day I did it again,and the next day, and so on. At the time I was depressive, had a very low self-esteem, and I felt like a FAT ugly monster, so I did it, because it somehow made me feel better for a minute, I would be releaved, but 10 minutes later, I hated myself for doing it. I am not even fat, I'm 1,63cm and weigh about x kg, and I've never really lost too much weight, but I feel like I need to do it. My self-esteem got better, I do not hate myself, but I can't stop, I'll do it for a couple of weeks and tell myself that it's gone, but the minute I eat a little more than normal, I purge, and I HATE IT, it has ruined me, my parents found out once, but they think I've stopped, and I don't do it every night, I just do it when my mind tells me it's "necessary" . I have never told anybody because I'm ashamed of it, I know what this does to you, but I feel like a slave, like it will never go away, because every time I eat a little too much, there's this voice in my head telling me to let it out. Sometimes I don't eat anything, I did that for about 2 weeks and lost x pounds but then I felt like eating EVERYTHING, and then the bulimia was back... I need help.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program