Your bulimia recovery
Tap here to read more about the bulimia recovery program

My online program and private recovery community has helped hundreds of women beat bulimia.
Click here to learn more

Beat bulimia using my online recovery program and private community. Hundreds of women who were just like you have done the same!

Click here to learn more Member Login

The never ending hell hole.....

by Elanore Sweeney
(Denver, Colorado, USA)

Bulimia is a trap. You feel embraced by feelings of guild, self-hatred, and disgust. I am writing here today as my very first entry in any eating disorder blog online. Never have I ever shared the truth about my eating habits with any friends or even family. I can't bring myself to do it. I hope that sharing my story here online will help to relieve at least a bit of my pain and suffering. Although I can't complain too much (I have read about bulimic cases that are far worse than what I experience) I am still definitely not living a healthy lifestyle. I can't remember the last time that I went an entire week without throwing up SOMETHING. It's like I tell myself every single day that this will be the last time it happens, and then the next morning I am purging my breakfast into the bathroom sink because I indulged too much when I wasn't even hungry to begin with. This is a mortifying disease that requires the help and attention of others. Although I know that this is true, I still cannot bring myself to tell anyone about my patterns. I feel as though it would be selfish to make people pity me, when it doesn't seem as though I have anything wrong. I am in perfectly good shape, I have a great social life, and I am a varsity Lacrosse player on my high school team. I am free of depression and childhood traumas that may have led me into this trap. I honestly lead a very easy going and fortunate lifestyle, which is why I feel guilty asking for help or attention when it doesn't seem necessary. Despite these feelings, I KNOW that I have a problem. I know that I am fucking up my digestive system. And I know that I have trouble keeping food down, and eating normal portions that I will be able to easily absorb and digest. I hardly ever poop because my digestive track is so used to bringing food back up the other direction. This is not a healthy way to live, and I am desperate to make changes to my current diet. I know that I need help, but like I said, I can't ask anyone. Hopefully writing this will help me to see a better light, and understand why I am in the wrong. I need to change, and I need to do it now.

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.



Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program