The Endless Horrible Cycle - bulimia :(
I’m so happy I came across your website, I always feel as if nobody understands what it’s really like to have bulimia. I have been bulimic since I was 16 and now I’m 20, and it has been 4 years of … not living my life. I binge and purge every single day, id be lucky to have one day without doing it, maybe because I was out of the house and with people all day, and not eating much food. But if a day goes by that doesn’t involve busy with people, then I will *definitely* have a binge purge episode. It’s really horrible… vomiting everyday for four entire years. Even multiple times a day! I will wake up in the morning hoping it will be a good day, but later after eating something or too much of something, I suddenly feel a loss of control, and that the only way to get it back it to binge and vomit it all up. Then I feel sick, tired and weak, and more vulnerable to a second or third binge purge that day. It’s an endless cycle that’s worn my family down for four years. They tell me everyday how much they miss me…the old me. I want my old self back. I want to get better so badly. I’m putting my life at risk, and I have dreams ahead of me. My boyfriend who I want to marry in the future and have children with, as well as my career. I don’t want to throw that all away…and for what, being thin? It seems so silly, but I feel so helpless. I just want to live my life, and enjoy these best years of my life!
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