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The Day My Life Changed Completely - When Bulimia Came In

by Shortty
(California)

I started when I was 15 and now I am 18...

I would always think that people with Bulimia or anorexia wouldn't stop because they didn't want to...

The time that my life changed completely and forever was when my family began joking about about me being fat. I knew it wasn't true because I had a weight of XXX but I was the one with a different body than the rest including my mom - I had a bigger butt then all my sisters.

so at first I wouldn't care but then I started putting more attention on my body and I didn't like it - I felt like my clothes wouldn't feel/look the same as my sisters.

One day i was eating and i remembered that we were going to go to the beach and i looked at my plate and i noticed that i'd eaten all of my food and i started to think about the beach and how fat i was going to look and how my sisters were going to make fun of me. So, I left to the restroom and i said to my self I WOULD ONLY DO IT THIS TIME AND THAT'S IT. I never thought that that one time would change my life completely...

After that, I kept throwing up everytime I would feel fat or full after eating - about once a week. But then i noticed i wouldn't stop eating, i was always eating - and a lot. so i started doing it more often thinking that i was going to gain weight.. I didn't even notice that i was already doing it 4 times or 5 times per week and not really eating much...

But then my menstrual cycle started to get out of order and I would have my period more than once in a month so one of my sisters noticed and she made me tell my mom, and so i did and she took me to the doctor. I was so scared that they would tell my mom the truth but they didn't. He gave me birth controls and so I started taking them and my period started to get in order but after a while my period again started going bad. I didnt really know what to do or who I should tell...

So... I told my boyfriend - he told me that everything was going to be ok! and that he was going to help me get out of this problem - he has really helped me a lot...

He would always make me eat and stay with me until hours had passed. And it was really helpful - I stopped for a whole month. But then he had to go to school so he left and it was kind of hard for me to do it on my own. He still tried to help me by making me call him every time i felt like doing it... But, the truth is that i wasn't really calling him so i started again... But, this time i was doing it almost 4 times everyday... waiting for everyone to fall asleep or to be by myself.

I would always pretend i was taking a shower or brushing my teeth. or even turning the music on. i would always have something making notice so that no one could hear me doing it...

I started loosing weight and even my teachers and friends would tell me that i was loosing weight too fast and ask if i was ok! I would just laugh and say yes!! i am perfect! But, I wasn't...

I would always fall asleep after binge/purging because I would feel so tired but by the morning before school i wouldn't get up, even if i slept 10 hours straight i would feel like i didn't sleep at all.

My bf told me he didn't want to loose me and that he felt bad for not being able to help me and he wanted to come back but i said no! i told him to stay so he made me tell my sister. so i did i knew i had no choice because if i wouldn't have done it - he would of done it.

So me and my sis went out to eat and we were talking... she told me a lot of things i didn't know and so i told her about me and she couldn't believe it. But, I felt better - and she is helping me a lot and she is always checking on me and making me eat. Now, 3 months have past and I haven't got my period back.

So now after almost 2 years of having bulimia - a lot more things are happening to me...

Sometimes is hard for me breath and at night i wake up because i can get enough air. Or, I feel pain in my chest. Or, if i talk too much my voice starts to change like I am missing air.

I bring my self down a lot... I feel like I am dying little by little. My boyfriends talks to me all the time about me not giving up and thinking stuff like that... He wants me to go to the doctor but i cant i don't want my mom to know or the rest of the family...

So, I am just waiting to turn 18 in 2 months time so I can go to the doctor and seek help. Bulimia really is something that's not easy to handle or to be in. This is a problem that takes away so much from you...

Sometimes i think of so many things i want to do and then think if i would ever be able to do them... And, if what I'm doing really is worth my life and leaving everything just for loosing pounds.

If i could go back in time to that day that i said I WOULD ONLY DO IT ONE TIME! I would of never have done it. I would not even have thought about it. But, I won't give up... I will continue trying to stop...

To those of you who think bad and wrong about people with bulimia - like me... You don't know how hard this problem can really be, and how strong we have to be for living with it.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program