Your bulimia recovery
Tap here to read more about the bulimia recovery program

My online program and private recovery community has helped hundreds of women beat bulimia.
Click here to learn more

Beat bulimia using my online recovery program and private community. Hundreds of women who were just like you have done the same!

Click here to learn more Member Login

The Black Bulimic!

by Rina
(Houston. Tx.Us)

I am 21 years old African American and suffer from Bulimia. It's sad because in my community it's not understood it is also not talked about so I suffer it alone. I am so embarrassed because I really hate myself I hate being fat. I don't relish the idea of the black women's supposed dream body. I don't want the hips the curves the insanely large butt or breast. I like the ideas of being skinny and rail thin I don't want to be another overweight black women. I am 5'9 and X pounds nobody believes me because I am so tall. I am constantly told I look better with more weight on the lowest I been was X highest X. I am also on an antidepressant that causes me not to eat so I abuse it also. I started when I was seventeen and had gained a bit of weight.

I had however been fascinated with the idea of having an eating disorder for years. I wanted to be anorexic but didn't have the will power. I lust after the Amy Winehouse rail thin bodies ribs and wrists bones. I was really thin until I got put on a psych med at twelve that caused me to balloon from 116 to 175 in about four months because it makes you feel like a bottomless pit. So I ate and ate until stuffed not realizing I was gaining a gang of weight. My family started to say how overweight I had gotten so they took me off the med. To late however I kept the eating habits.

So finally at 17 I got idea I wanted to lose weight. It was right after Hurricane Gustav in Louisiana. So I started to count calories and then I started to binge when I would get really hungry. I would get really dizzy from all the puking so I also started to abuse laxatives. I lost some weight and stopped... Without anyone knowing.

So fast forward a few years in the same spot Christmas day 2010 and I have nothing nice to wear I have gained so much weight I am down to one pair of pants. I had started bingeing.. My boyfriend was much older and his kids and him had a high metabolism so I deep fried foods for them and him. The only thing they ate was chicken nuggets, French fries, icecream and cereal and were super thin. So I began to pile on the weight. I would get the groceries and just start dipping into everything bingeing without the purge. So I let my boyfriend know after I finished 40 sandwhiches cookies with a hug cup of milk after we just had bought them. He says "You're eating like a Dog!!!". His sons had been telling him I was eating all the food but he didn't believe them because I hardly ate in front of him but would be planning meals for as soon as he went to work at night. So we made a pact he would help me stop.

Soon I started bingeing and purging again I also think it has to do with the need to score attention. I love the attention I get I crave it when I begin to lose weight. I live with my dad and binge and purge into the kitchen sink. I feel so bad because I have to lie and take advantage of the fact he is older and can't hear well. So I binge all day but I've run into a problem I stopped using my hand long ago and use a toothbrush except my gag reflex seems to have left. I'm stuck with throw up hands which I have to force clean drown my throat in order to puke now. I am not ready to quit though I am stuck in this cycle for now...

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.



Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program