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Teenage Bulimia - I recovered, and I know you can!

by Shannon R
(Kincardine )

I was a very heathly kid growing up, I was always known as a "twig" I was a tiny person, I loved my life, my friends and mostly my family, you would never of known I would become bulimic.

I was about 13, maybe bout 4'9. I weighted about 112 I played soccer, hockey, rugby, I was a really active teen, so I was always in shape :) and it was around may and I was trying on a bikini, and I thought I'm geting a belly and HUGE thighs my friends never said anything when I showed them me in the bikini, but i was so upset with myself for having huge thighs and a belly. I went to my friends house that night and they always have chocolate and candy! I never once thought of making myself throw up but after eating all that candy, I was so upset with me self I said to myself "how could you do this to your body" "you're supposed to be the skinny one" and so I said I wasn't feeling well and I think I might throw up. Her mom took me home and my parents weren't home from work yet. So I knew that I wanted to be "skinny" again...

I went to the mirror in my bathroom and took another look, and it seemed like there were even bigger! I got so depressed. I sat down by my toilet and made my self throw up the food I ate. I knew I would be hurting my body but I just wanted to have "skinny" thighs and a perfect belly! I thought it was just gunna be a one time thing :/ but then I started journaling my calories, I ran so much! and my goal was to lose 10 pounds each month till I was perfect! I started getting obsessed with calories and running. That's when I knew it wasn't a one time thing!

A month went by and my coaches and parents were starting to notice or at least said something to me, they asked me "why I've been losing weight"? And asked if I was bulimic and that they would help me? And by then I realized "what was I doing to my body? I just wanted to be skinny, not too skinny, Why was I hurting myself to be skinny I should be proud of what my weight is. And my thighs and belly were fine! I told them " I wasn't bulimic and I've just been training harder then ever cause I just wanted to be better then good" they believed me, why shouldn't they? I was a deicated player and always tried my hardest!!!!

I went to school and it was in math Class and I blacked out, I knew I had to eat and not throw up I needed more muscle to help me be able to stand and be okay..and not get anyone thinking stuff! I started to feel better about my body I now weighted X, I always lied and said I weighted X, I didn't want them to suspect anything but After school my friends invited me to go out for dinner at crabby joes, I accepted like nothing! Why would I say no?!? So we were at the table and I ordered a poutine, Salad and some chicken! Plus dessert after, I knew this was alot of calories going into my body and I was gunna be "fat" again! And I knew if I didn't eat then they would suspect something. So I ate it but during the meal I started to say I have to go the bathroom just so it didn't seem like I wanted to go after and throw up. And one of my friend said to wait cause they need to talk to me! Right then I was so scared they knew! I kept calm I really didn't want them to know I was struggling with bulimia, I finshed my dinner, I was kinda happy she kept me. Cause now I could go to the bathroom like nothing. So one of my friends said " I've noticing you've been losing weight or something" I had to lie and say "no?" I still weight the same as before? I've be training harder?! I wanna be better then Jessica! And Jessica was really good, and they told me "I am and I shouldn't be training to be better so of course I agreed and I didn't go to the bathroom until someone asked and thank god it was my best friend! On the way to the bathroom I pretended like I was gunna puke I told her I think the chiken was not cooked!!!! And I went into the stale and made my self throw it all up. As she went and called my mom. I told my friends the next day I had food poisoning, and I knew I needed help if I was lying to my best friends, parents and even coaches.

I called up my best friend, and told her! She hung up on me... I started crying, I felt like my whole world was ending, untill she came running into my room; opened arms ready from I hug! I was shocked. We talked about it for hours. I was now ready to tell my parents. I was so scared to see what they would say to me. Turns out they were so supportive and helped me thought it! My coaches found out by my parents. They were by my side thought it too. It felt really nice having people by my side (:

I'm now 16 and I got through my problem with being bulimic. And I had my friends, family and coaches for support!!! And they helped me thought it (= I love you guys! I know I'm now strong and I'm back to being my self. I still watch my weight but that's okay! Cause I'm healthy and got self confidence!

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

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