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Teen Mom with Self Esteem issues

by Ashley Bassett
(Dennis MA)

As long as can remember I've had such horrible self esteem issues. I couldn't go a day without looking in the mirror and looking at how ugly, fat and disgusting I am. Then I found a guy who appreciated me for me and I got pregnant. I ended up putting a lot of weight on throughout my entire pregnancy. I would always throw up a portion of what I ate. I vowed to myself once my daughter was born I would immediately lose the weight that I gained. What a joke that was. My weight started to level out, I lost a few pounds here and there. It still wasn't good enough for me. Then, I started to look into the fastest way to lose weight. I came across purging. That became my daily ritual. After I eat, I go to the bathroom, turn the water on and take the tooth brush and force myself to throw up. Well I wanted an even quicker way to lose weight. On top of purging, I started to use heroin. I knew that you can lose the extra weight ASAP doing both of those. I took into consideration that I was being selfish and not thinking about my daughter and that the drugs can have a severe effect. So I stopped cold turkey with the heroin. Now, I mix purging with diet pills and cleansing pills. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so un happy with the way I look and seeing all the fat I have. Looking at all the other moms that had babies at my age have lost all their weight and they all look drop dead gorgeous. I guess you can call it jealousy? Like right now I'm hungry and I really don't want to eat something because I will feel disgusted with myself after. I'm glad I found this site because I feel like I can vent in this box and knowing that no one will judge me because we are all in the same boat!

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