Stuck in bulimia!
Hope you well... I'm really struggling, this weekend was an absolute disaster! I havnt made yet to getting through an entire day without bingeing/purgeing. I've made abit of progress and it felt good to be bingeing and purgeing just once a day.
My problem is I'm feeling stuck. I am soo used to stuffing my face that I can't seem to control the bingeing urge.... I don't know whether I'm serious about recovery and I feel soo stuck! Its like a part of me is yelling STOP and the other part is yelling DON'T STOP! What is wrong with me?! I know I need to stop so why can't I just do it! I know the medical and phsycological consequences but still I am not able to stop. I know that I'm destroying my relationships(the ones I have left) with friends, family and my boyfriend....but why can't I realise this and stop? I feel like my mind just doesn't care if I fall apart. I wish I had a magical wand to make me normal again.
Its like food is all I know and throwing up is all I can do! Please give me advice, I need to snap out of this and wakeup and feel hurt by what I am doing....
Are you following any sort of meal plan in recovery - or just crossing fingers and hoping for the best? I'd definitely suggest structured eating - and planning it the night before... This will help give you structure in these crazy early days... Also, structured eating will help get your mind used to the fact that food is coming - and this will help eliminate primal hunger (in time!)
I am happy to suggest a meal plan if it would help!
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