Struggling to cope
I have been struggling with bulimia for over 7 years now and I am having a really hard time coping with everything. I am 20 years old and I just finished my first year of uni and my life is based on 3 things....number one: lose weight...number two: don't put on weight and number three: BE THIN!!!
I am only 20 and all I can think about is that....how did it come to this??!! I am sick of being this person who is scared to have a normal meal and not think every second of a way to go and purge it all.
I finally took a step forward and i when to get some professional help, and I am trying so hard not be purge... NOT to give in... but i always do!! I am at that point in my life were i weight my self every 10/15 min (that is really bad i know that).
I understand I have to get better and I WANT to get better but how do I do that when this disease is a part of my life...its a part of me!!
The worst thing is none of my friends know about me and to be honest I am ashamed to tell me...(they will THINK and LOOK at me different).
And even if I did talk to them they won't know how it is...they don't now what I am going though! I just wanted to talk to people who have been in my shoes and know how horrible it is...and how disgusted you feel with yourself after purging coz I do every time...I want to get better so I am asking you...HOW DID YOU DO IT!! HOW DID YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH to fight this?? Coz I want to fight it and I want to be able to enjoy myself without worrying of putting on weight. I don't want my life to be based on this...I want to base my life on something better then that!!!
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