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I haven't recovered-I try to.So I will just tell my story as everyone here does.I am 18 years old, living in Bulgaria. I have wonderful familly.We aren't poor-we have everything we need.But why do I put my fingers into my mouth?Am I punnishing myself for something? I've been throwing up food for 1 year. I started when I was 17-nothing scarry, right? I don't mean to write how poor I am.. Last year I was on a diet-I lost X kg. I was X kg(167sm high)now I am X..again..Backthen I felt quite good and beautiful-I didn't want to lose any weight.However something happened with my mood-it began changing all the time.I have never been overeating in my life. However at the end of the last year I began overeating.I consumed a lot of food then I would throw it up.(reaction to the diet perhaps?)
I..had some quite big failures for the last year.I couldn't pass 6 exams,which were extremely important for my future plans..I just failed..I got paralised-every time I saw the results.I didn't cry.Maybe I couldn't afford crying becouse of some results..Three months ago I passeed my exams..I didn't feel anything-couldn't feel happiness,joy,relief..nothing.I just felt how tired I was from purging and experiencing failures in exams and my relationships. I am not helpless-I get up from the mud quickly. I just don't want to feel like I am losing my will infront of food.I am so exhausted,I don't throw up frequently-2 times a day, there is even a gap of four to ten days in which i haven't purged.
Recently my heart started to hurt-For four months I feel pain as if someone is cutting my inners starting from the neck then down to my heart. I felt so hopeles-I wanted to tell my parrents about that bulimic shit.So I did tell them..maybe because I wanted them to react somehow.They didn't do anything..as if I told them something boring..On the other side my parrents love me- they do care about me..sometimes they care TOO much about me that I lack my personal life-which opresses me most.
It all happened all of a sudden.I purged a couple of hours ago.What's wrong?!I really want this to stop!It kills me

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program