Someone who truly cares for me
Shaye and friends,
I have been bulimic for more than 10 years.....It all started when I was 14 as I had been dieting for more than a year. I was a chubby kid, a happy one...but my friends and especially my family never stop pointing it out to me, so I gave up and I did whatever I could to lose weight until it went too far.
For years and years and years...... I would not eat anything the whole day and then at night finished everything I saw on the dining table and spent more than 2 hours in the bathroom to purge. My family know exactly what I did.....I ate like a monster but I kept on losing weight. I also consumed all kinds of laxatives which my mom actually bought for me......even then....nobody said anything.
In college, I had the courage to seek treatment myself and open up to my family. Yet my mom said I was just making excuses, she was embarrassed. I was getting better and better since I met my current boyfriend. I managed to stop b/p for months.
Then something happened.I had a huge fight with my mom, my bf's business went bankrupt because of something I did. I felt guilty, I hate myself for making everyone's life miserable. I went back to b/p and now, it is much much much worse. I have been b/p again for a year....and the worst part is, I have no motivation to heal. I feel like I deserve it all. Everyone knows about my bulimia, my family, my bf, some of my friends too. Yet nobody....says anything or shows that they care.
I am lonely. I want to get up......but I also hope to find someone who loves me from the deepest part of the heart.
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