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So bloated I struggle to breath sometimes...

by Nic
(Cornwall uk)

Hello there, I started purging when I was twelve but never really took it seriously. The urge would merely lurk in the background until I had an event or outfit I wanted to fit into like my wedding dress! But four years ago after finishing breast feeding my daughter I stepped on the scales and decided it was time to shed some pounds. It started well enough, diet and exercise but on a jog one day a grown man made a snide comment as I went by and I was devestated. This coupled with a few other instances threw me straight back into a binge purge cycle. With every passing year the cycle became more extreme and so did the effects. Not only did I lose weight but also, my hair, skin condition and sense if self worth. Add this to the crippling guilt if putting my family into financial problems meant I suffered from anxiety and depression come the end. It was like having an expensive drug habit, only my drug of choice was food. I also was a fitness instructor so felt the pressure to look a certain way, I couldn't give myself a night off through fear if squeezing into my Lycra the next day and bounding around in front of a class! After a while the heart flutters became less easy to ignore and pains here and there should have been a warning... But no. As a fit 27 year old mother of two you feel immortal like the consequences will never happen to you, in my mind I was a special case, free to enjoy the perks of having my cake and eating too without the side effects.

Last Tuesday I suffered seizures and chest pain and my poor husband watched helpless as the paramedics attempted to calm me down before rushing me to hospital. I suffered a cardiac arithmia which was basically the pre-curser to a heart attack and spend the next day on a drip filling my blood with potassium and magnesium that years of vomiting had depleted causing me to nearly die. If that doesn't give you a slap in the face with perspective nothing will! I have a wonderful family to live for and God has given me a chance to make things right for them and I'm going to grasp it with both hands and NEVER let go...

Right now I am 4 days in and bloated like an expectant whale! I have had years of abusing myself and this is my bodies payback! It's uncomfortable and rock hard. I can't sleep or reach my feet. I've put on weight and look as though I am storing nuts for winter in my cheeks... But hey, it's not forever. Im looking forward to the time I can go out to dinner or have nibbles with a movie and know when to stop. I want to be the mother and role model my children deserve and the wife my husband loves. It's nice to hear I am not alone and I am sending my love to all those going through this with me. Hang in there... We can beat this monster.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
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The Bulimia Recovery Program