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sharing my biggest secret

by Jane

It's over midnight now and I'm a little bit of afraid cause it's the first time I decided to share my story. I can't say I feel totally desperate but I feel quite depressed because i haven't anyone i could tell my story without shameful consequences for me...

I'm a little perfectionist. I need everything to be perfect. My educational skills, sport and everything else i need to be perfect. that's why i think my bulimia began two years ago.If you were someone from my relatives or university mates or just someone who knows me you'd think I'm "soo happy" of "soo confident". As you guess it's just fake. Two years ago after several cycles of dieting and "healthy eating" I overate. That was on excursion with my classmates. I was 17 years old. I thought that all my work about weight control failed and on another day i would be 100 kilos! (i was X kg), so intuitively i went to the bathroom and threw up. I thought after -"wow,i feel EMPTY". That was the beginning of my Ed experience.

It will take too much time to tell you all about my story. Presumably, It'll be another mini book, because my bulimia has different reasons in psychological, genetic and social aspects. Everything I've read on this Website i related to myself - lies, wasting time, money on nonsense, thinking all the time about nonsense. I thought and still think I'm irresponsible person who created a myth about an imaginable disease. The fact is that i'm not happy and in spite of my "cleverness", i'm not sure whether i can overcome this strange thing alone or not. I feel i'm not bad person deep inide, but now when i don't have desire to socialize,(because i think i'm fat (I'm X kg)),my relatives are upset about me. They think I am not interested in them. Actually in this past period i realized that i have only one close friend. Not such a happy story,isn't it? I'm not sure it'll be helpful to someone, but i know on my own experience that when you read stories quite the same as yours you feel somehow better. Shaye thank you! I've searched through the internet several times and the only thing that was really helpful for me it's your site and videos. Every time i feel awful i watch them and a glimmer of hope rises inside me. Thank you :) (i can't believe i had the courage to write my story)

Shaye Says

Hi Jane!

You are a beautiful and brave women - and you should be so proud that you had the courage to share your story here :) I am sure it will help others in the future who read it.

I'm glad that my stories and videos give you hope Jane... because there is so much hope! You can beat bulimia - I promise you can. It's a long journey to recovery and there are plenty of ups and downs... but just keep pushing forward with self kindness and love. It's like I always tell the girls in the Bulimia Recovery Program and Community that I run... Nourish your soul with self kindness and nourish your body with sufficient food... This will allow you to heal.

Keep pushing forward Jane - recovery is yours for the taking!


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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program