Shame in the city - Rita's Bulimia Story
I wish I could say I have recovered but I am still in the trenches of bulimia.
The shame is eating away at me more than anything else at the moment. Right now I live in a foreign country and I stick out like a sore thumb.
I have to go grocery shopping nearly every day to provide for my nightly binge and purge session...
So I walk a long way to make sure that I'm going to a different store each day. If I go to the same store more than twice a week, I start making excuses to them like Oh, I'm making a cake, that's why I bought 3 gallons of milk this week. Or Oh, these are for my neighbors, they are having a party...
It's so ridiculous because they don't even speak my language. I am living a lie and must lie to cover up the lies and I feel so much shame about it.
A MESSAGE FROM SHAYE
I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling so low at the moment... I had bulimia for 10 years and can understand your shame. My bulimia also spiraled out of control when I left my home country to live overseas...
It's a coping mechanism, a way of dealing with stresses, fears, sadness.
You need to realize that you're going through a lot. You need to give yourself empathy... not criticism. Be kind to yourself...
If you don't mind, could I ask a few questions so that I can give you some advice...?
Firstly, why do you move to a different country - and is it essential that you stay there?
Secondly... When did you first become bulimic?
I would love to give you some advice but feel I need a little more info on your bulimia story before I can do that.
In the meantime, be kind to yourself.
All the love,
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