Scared and praying
Sharing myself is not my strong point but here it goes... I am a 27 yr old culinary arts student who has been battling bulimia for 14 yrs now. I have absolutely no idea hot to control my urges, I cant remember life without them.
Being a culinary arts major makes things really difficult since I am handling food all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love cooking but am not sure it was such a wise career choice for someone like me. It's too late now though, I am about to graduate with my degree so I can't turn back. I just want to be able cook a delicious meal without having to eat it all if Im not really hungry. Or be able to keep a box of oreos in the cabinet longer than a few hrs. I want to learn how to be strong.
Anyways, for years I have been going through cycles of not being able to control my urges and losing X lbs to getting a grip on them and gaining it all back, and some. I am currently at my highest weight of X lbs and am miserable. I cant fit any of my clothes and refuse to buy new till I lose the weight. Not being able to fit into my clothes depresses me and I once again turn to binging and purging in an attempt to lose weight or just to give in to my demon.
Just like many, I am terrified of the negative effects this disorder has had on my body, mind and soul. I just want to be free and live happy.
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my story. I wish you the best of luck on your road to recovery and will keep all of you in my prayers. God Bless :)
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