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Sadness = bulimia

by BuBu
(Colorado)

There was a HUGE age gap between my sister and myself and brother, 10 years. When my brother was born, my sister was already a little overweight. A year and a half after the birth of my brother, I was born. I was the black sheep, I loved to read, study, learn, help my parents and documentaries. I was what you call " the kiss-up" and because of it, my parents always yelled at my siblings for being lazy and they took it out on me. I was told I was fat, stupid, a motherf*****, a b*****, tone death, a horrible actor and a slut. By the age of 5, my sister had become overweight and she was constantly yelled at by my parents. Because of that, every Saturday , when my parents went out she'd hit my brother's "family jewels" and I did it too so that she'd think I was cool. I realized how horrible it was years later and my brother and I dealt with the constant yelling together. I was told constantly told "don't become fat like your sister" and it only filled my stutters anger..

A few years later, my sister found out my brother was with the popular crowd and they became BFFs. They worked together to make fun of me and I can't say I wasn't mean back. I tattled, but I was later yelled at, I told everyone at school my brother liked beauty and the beast( I wasn't lying though) but I was yelled at,and i was a true b***** to them. When I started to develop boobs, my sister groped me and always claimed it was my fault or an accident. I became depressed, especially since my father started favoring my brother and my mother started to never listen to me. I remember I got a 91 on my enterence to a gifted and talented program, my mom said it was not as high as my friend. I became suicidal at the age of 7 and packed on the pounds. My siblings started to call me thunder thighs and said moo when I walked by which worsened my depression. And after a few years of abuse and planning for my suicide, i became bulimic, at the age of 12. I threw up almost 5 times a day and ate baby portions. I got way skinny but my family didn't notice, but my friends did. I managed to get them to believe I got into sports, which was a horrible lie because I am super non-athletic, but they didn't notice.

Every time I threw up, I became depressed and dreamed about a life away from my family and my bulimia. I dreamed Id become a doctor married to a great guy with 3 kids in Cornwall, England ( a whole ocean away from my home in the us) in a small town near the beach with my own small clinic. And yes, I've had that much time to think about it.

As an teen, I haven't stopped throwing up and being obsessed with my weight. And it been like that for almost 5 years and I dont think it will ever stop. Please help me if you can.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program