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Ruler of my life

by Shaylene
(Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada)

I have been off and on with my bulimia since i was grade six, which is four years today, I'm a grade ten girl that had a horrible start to a middle school life with the fact that almost every girl in my class was thin as well as my best friend, and then I was also teased about a crush I had on this grade seven, which I started to purge like any other girl that had felt like they needed to be thin to be happy, but I met a guy that soon took over my entire existence with a smile. He was older then I and he was like... I don't know how to explain it. We dated during the summer before grade seven, and then everything turned down hill when he started being like every other guy I knew: a jerk. That was when I started to go back to bulimia again, and he kept going on as if we weren't together (like going out with another girl), when I got the courage from a friend to confront the guy, it felt amazing the way I stood up and broke up with him, which that lead me to beating it again. Grade nine was the year all hell broke loose when I started to be like my ex when I started to date this guy I really loved, but I was also cheating on him with another, who I also liked but not as much as I thought. I ended up with a broken heart by september, and relapsing yet again for the stress and heartache got to me. My boyfriend, who was the guy that I cheated on the first time around, had let me back in and over the months we started to get to realize that it felt like nothing had changed, though he didn't trust me like the old days, so with that I started going back down the path yet again, he caught me throwing up while we had a movie date at his house (much to my dislike) and well he wasn't judgmental, and he listened to me and it made it feel like an eye opener. Now, these days, with the stress of school, home, and the circle of friends drifting apart, no one really had thought I'm going back down the path that seems to rule my life no matter what way you look at it. My boyfriend, goes to another school, so it's hard for him to know that I am stressed out like hell and with the more time he's in this program where he's out in the 'real-world' wilderness for school, and well I feel like the spiral has came back to only make me "fall from grace" once again.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program