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Recovering Daily

by anonymous

I wanted to share my story on recovering because it may help others out there suffering like I was. Any person with an eating disorder will tell you one of their biggest fears is weight gain. Oh my God, it is a scary thought...Maybe you don't want to believe in "water weight", but I want to tell you that it is real. And as soon as you stop b/p, you will gain water weight. It is completely unavoidable. I know this was really very hard for me to deal with because I lost that flat stomach in the morning and I looked 7 months pregnant during the day, it is one of the most horrible sensations to feel so large. I read several blog posts and excerpts in bulimia help sites to try to relate to others going through the same feelings as I was. I didn't want to believe anything I read, I was almost paranoid thinking to my self, "this is all crap I don't believe any of this"....Well, it's all true. When you recover you do gain weight, it sucks, but it's almost 100% water weight, my organs felt swollen, almost hurting, my intestines felt sore, my gut was full of fluids and pressure, I was in complete agony looking at my mis shaped body. And now I can say the most important part to recovery for my self has been #1 EXERCISE. It has been my salvation, I am not over exercising, just only around 90 min max daily. And it has been my salvation. I changed my diet completely to clean vegetables eaten mainly raw, fruit, healthy fats such as raw nuts, and protein in the form of tofu, nuts, and protein shakes. Portion control really is key. Personally I am a very small girl. I am only 5 feet tall, and well I haven't weighed my self lately and can't mention weight numbers on this post, you can imagine I am sort of a very small person, I have come to realize I don't need huge amounts of food to live. I have come to realize, that b/p has totally altered my sense "fuel" needed. Because when you are bulimic, you don't really know what your body needs exactly since you are always feeding it then purging it, you can't really get a sense of the true quantity of food you really need to give your body. In the last week specifically I have not let my self feel hungry at all, because right as soon as I feel hunger approaching I give my self a snack. And while I don't feel comfortable sitting and eating a huge meal, I find it very helpful to have 6 snacks a day. Healthy, well rounded snacks that hold me for hours. It is a plan I have come up with and it really works for me. My nutritionist has really instilled in me the concept of "protein" every time I eat. It stabilizes your blood sugar and doesn't give you those terrible craving spikes in the day. I also need to say that I have cut sugar and carbohydrates out of my life. Not completely because I will eat a banana for example which has both, but I will not eat anything processed with added sugar or carbs. Example: no cereal, no candy, no french fries, no bread, etc you get the idea. I feel so much better, I feel so much healthier, and my body is slowly going back to the shape it used to be, and I can thank my self for having a clean healthy diet, and healthy daily exercise routine which is giving me the body I want. I don't have to feel awkward when I hear a compliment from someone because I know I am responsible for my body, because of healthy eating and exercise, not from vomiting everything i put inside of my body. Trust me it feels so nice. Plus now I can build a little muscle, and I am starting to develop abs, wow that is so much nicer to look at than a rib cage. To lose water weight, I have been drinking tea non stop. All kinds of tea, because drinking plain old water can actually seem like work, I disguise it by delicious tea flavors and sip slowly, keeping me constantly busy, hydrated, and allowing me to help the water weight loss along. I also started consuming some fiber and cleansing tea aid to also help along the bloat which is almost painful at times. Because of all of this new habit forming, my bloating has subsided almost 50%. I just want to give hope to others, because during my short period of recovery time so far, I can say I came very close about 3 times to relapsing. I avoided it, by putting on my sneakers and leaving my apartment, and going off to work out, THIS IS what made me feel better about my self, about my body, and made me realize that all that water weight is temporary, and that soon I would have a hold on my self. I know it's hard, but what is helping me is working out, drinking tea, and portion control... remember you don't need huge meals. My boyfriend said to me "babe, it's like when you haven't worked out in months, and then suddenly you get back into it, your muscles hurt at first, but then they stop!" it's just like that I thought, I haven't worked my body or my intestines in years, they are just sore and healing. Its just a temporary feeling that will pay off in the long run, being disease free, being guilt free, being happy my body is the way i want it because I did the work to get there, not cheat and treat it like crap. I hope this helps someone out there, I just felt the need to tell someone else what is working for me, because I feel in control of my body, of my size, of my life! Stay strong!

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program