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Please Help :-/

I have begun my long road to recovery. I can't stop obsessing about food and calories, or the way I look. For over a year I used restricting and dieting. I managed to loose a lot of wieght and the compliments started flooding in. I felt like I had control and power over my body and I started to greatly fear food and weight gain. Thats when I discovered bulimia. It was my 17th birthday and I figured out that I could throw up my cake. I was so afraid of my birthday, I just remember panicing because Id have to eat cake that day and it scared me. So now three years later I feel I have no control over my life. For about 2 years I binged and purged every single day, I got down to X lbs from X. As people started catching on, I was forced to eat "normal" and I wasnt allowed to use the bathroom without someone watching me anymore. Well now I have gained almost X lbs back and I feel disgusting. This is torturing me!!! I hate the way I look and I feel as though I have zero control even though I eat healthy. Im so sick of my days being consumed by calories and inches. I just wish I could be normal and free from this disorder. Even though I look healthy on the outside now, I am suffering mentally. My body weight is torturing me! Please help!

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program