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Places to hide my puke

by Bernadette

I was a full blown bulimic by the time I was 18 years old. My mother suspected that I was purging after my binges so she began to follow me to the bathroom and began making up excuses to come in after I was done but was checking the toilet for signs of vomit. One day, after a binge in which I knew she was on to me, I went to the bathroom to purge and vomited into an opaque plastic juice container with a pour lid, which my Mother kept in the bathroom closet. Sure enough, she knocked on the door. I had just finished purging, put the lid on the juice container full of my vomit and put it back in the closet. Ha! I fooled her! Well, I must have had what they call in poker, "a tell", because my Mother opened the closet door right away and could see that there was something in the container even though it was mostly opaque. She said, "What is in that?" I said almost passing out with anxiety, "Nothing." Then, my Mother stared at me with a kind of look of horror for a few seconds and left. I think she was just too horrified to face the lengths I was going to to cover up my bulimia.

After that, I got the bright idea to purge into the bathroom drain then rinse it down with water. Well after a few times of doing that, my vomit stopped up the pipes and made them back up with my vomit which also stunk up the bathroom.

After that I stopped using the bathroom to purge unless I was alone in the house. My new method was to to go outside, purge into a garbage bag on the side of the house and then, toss the puke filled bag into the strip of woods between our house and our neighbor's house. I was in such denial that I thought that strip of only 10 feet of woods would magically absorb all my vomit bags and no one would ever find them. Well the ending of this is sad but kind of funny too. You have to laugh at the severe denial! Anyway, we had this cute little mutt dog who, you guessed it, used that strip of woods as her bathroom. My Mother let her out one morning to do her business. She looked out the window and saw our dog tossing around a bag, trying to get it open to eat the contents! My Mother ran out there to investigate and discovered our dog had gotten into the bag and was eating the vomit! She looked around and saw the other bags I had tossed into the woods. The next day she told me the story and asked me if I knew anything about it. I shrugged and pretended I knew nothing about it even though I was dying inside.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
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