Overcoming self-disgust in bulimia recovery
I have had an eating disorder for 7/8 years now and it has now evolved into predominately bulimia. I keep relapsing and I don't know where to find the motivation to keep trying sometimes. I compare myself to others constantly, always feeling as though I could never measure up. I feel such self-hatred and find that this (acceptance) is the most difficult part of bulimia recovery. I feel like I have wasted my life and have ruined all opportunities. I don't go out, I make sure my clothes are baggy and hide my shape, and I don't keep mirrors in my house. I feel so ashamed of myself. I have really big dreams but always end back in this cycle. Where do I start with this self-rejection?
Self disgust and rejection are common feelings in bulimia sufferers... I used to have them big time! I was my biggest critic - even to the point of physically beating myself at time. The good news is that you can overcome this poor self image! I did it - and I know that you can too...
It's by no means a quick process... but, one step at a time, you can get there...
Firstly, comparing yourself to others does nothing for your self esteem... Comparing yourself NEVER makes you feel better... It only makes you feel inferior and inadequate. I used to compare myself to every single female that I walked past... She's got way nice legs than mine... I wish my hair was like hers... And it went on and on... By the end of the day I felt like the grossest person on campus! When the reality was - there was nothing wrong with me. The way I managed to stop comparing myself to others was to try and be aware whenever I did it... If I noticed any sort of comparison sneaking in, I'd slam it, yelling NO in my mind... and reminding myself what I was working towards (bulimia recovery and self love) It takes persistence because this negative self talk is resilient at the beginning... but every-time you actively change your train of thought to a healthy thought, you are physically changing your brain by re-wiring negative pathways. I write a lot more about this in The Bulimia Recovery Program
because it really is an important step in recovery!
Another little step you can take is to consciously only focus on the good points about yourself... When you notice negative chatter entering your mind - fight back with everything positive about you! This will feel fake and forced at first - but be passionate about it - work on believing it... After all, it is your thoughts that create your future - so why not guide yours the way you want them to be - towards a future of self acceptance and love!
There are so many other little things you can do to change the way you think. If you sign up the The Bulimia Recovery Program
, pay particular attention that that Step in the recovery guide... It will go a long way in helping you beat bulimia for good.
Most importantly - try to be kind to yourself! Try to be your own best friend for a while instead of your own worst critic. Talk to yourself the way you would take to your best friend, or a young child if they were in your shoes. You deserve love and respect - and that includes love and respect from yourself :)
Return to Bulimia questions.