One month binge/purge free but not totally recovered - will i ever eat normally?
So I'm feeling good, but I'm not feeling recovered - because I admit I still think about food alot. Not really craving it or obsessing over binging as I did before - but still thinking about it. Always portioning out my meals and pre-planning meals in my journal and always checking myself as to not over-eat or have seconds, and thinking and looking forward to my next meal.
I really envy those people who can eat anything they want or have seconds and not worrying about having to much or stepping over a certain line as to not "step into bulimia territory".
I guess maybe I still have that mindset that I want to keep my figure that I've obtained over the last month and not want to gain any weight back. (I do love the way I look now and proud of my accomplishments). Almost always obsessing over my weight over the past 25 years is not going to be an easy thing to get over.
I guess I will just take life as it comes and not worry too much about it. I imagine alot of people do really have to watch what they eat and are conscious about eating healthy - but then alot of them didn't live with bulimia over half their lives.
Will I always be only "half-recovered"? I don't know, time will tell I guess. I think I am wondering if I will I ever get over that fear of "stepping over the line into bulimia territory" when I am eating? That's why I wonder sometimes if one has been bulimic, will they always be a bulimic in their mind for the rest of their lives even long after the act of binging and purging is over?
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