One Day Twice at least,NEVER ENDING....
I am now writing this because i just binge and purge.I eat until my stomach cannot put in food anymore then i vomit out;then i binge agains and vomit agains...WHAT IS THIS?and WHY?
11years bulimia,too difficult to recover..i used to b/p day to night,throw up every single meal,more than 10times a day. It happened to me in past 11years,because vomit out food very easy for me,i don need to use finger,only bend down and press my stomach and all food out.So,i always throw up every single meal.
Half yrs ago,i started realise bulimia bring a lots of side effect,i don know why m i only realise this after 11 yrs,after all my teeth rotten,spend so much money on root canal and crown and bridge.
I thought bulimia is under my control,i can stop anytime.But,it is NOT!!!
Now,i able to hold down breakfast and most of the time lunch as well.But in the evening,night time when i alone,i binge..i purge..I tried very very hard to make myself free from b/p but it never happen,not even once.Everyday i still cannot escape from b/p.It just like drug,1st half day healthy but 2nd half day i b/p like reward myself.
Sometimes i know my schedule,i will be stay at my bf place.I knew myself cannot b/p.Then, i will b/p at noon and saty healthy at night.WHY i cant just be healthy n free from b/p day to night?why my subconcious mind is setting myself must b/p at least twice a day?
No matter how hard i cut down my b/p urge,but it never goes...twice a day like a must,is either at noon or at night.I feel struggling and emotion unstable...i feel so scared...
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