On the way to bulimia recovery
I never ever thought I would be writing something like this... Not after 11 years suffering from this terrible terrible life sucking disease - bulimia.
It was last week when I woke and had NO craving for anything in particular - this was unusual for me, as I always get cravings for food from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed! - so I took advantage of it and had a sandwich with butter and lamb and cheese. I felt ok, so I decided I would try for that day to eat every 3 hours and a proper dinner, something I haven't done since I can remember!
After that first day, I went to bed feeling quite calm and ok...
Its been a week now, and I am still eating three meals a day and snacks in between. But best of all, I really am not fretting an ounce about what I am eating - I find I am not planning on what to eat and on day 3 of my recovery I started to eat dinner after 8pm!! On day 4 (Saturday), we had a big dinner of meat and potatoes (really big, the one friend is a chef!!) because we had guests and instead of excusing myself every so often, I stayed and enjoyed the company...
Ok, so my trousers got tight but I just knew it was temporary.. We finished eating just before midnight(!) and I went to bed feeling full, something else I could never do before, and slept well.
I woke up the next day hungry and was invited to a big barbecue at the park. I ate SOOOOOO much chocolate and burgers, but I didn't feel anything, I just knew that it was a social event with friends and we were having fun, enjoying the sun.. I realise, I am able to eat now without over doing it and without feeling guilty! I am so so incredibly happy at the moment, my face looks happier and I feel so much healthier, I can jog without feeling like I am going to pass out!
Just some advice (maybe what works for me doesnt for you, but its always nice to have some advice):
- I drink buttermilk, really does help with the digestion
- ONLY at dinner time, and only if it is a BIG meal (like on the Saturday) I eat a chopped red chilli (it really revs the digestion by up to 40% for up to an hour)
- probiotics really are a good idea for the start to replace those which we have destroyed and lost through purging
- Yoga is incredible!
- eating carbs at every meal (in balance of course) completely reduces the cravings
- eat slowly
- remember the weight gain is just that, its nothing to do with size! i have gained about 6kg in a week(!) but don't believe it shows (maybe it does show but that's out-weighed by the pure enjoyment of being able to live EVERY moment, instead of wasting maybe more than half a day with my head in the toilet!)
- make a short "diary entry" (on paper) for yourself but you are one year ahead of now, and in it, explain what life is like without bulimia: how is your health? relationships? social life? appearance (hair, teeth, skin) etc. Read it when you need a little inspiration.
By no means am I recovered yet, by no means am I under that illusion, but if I can carry on like this and not allow the thoughts back in, I believe I am on the right road.. I really really hope those suffering can find the strength to begin recovery and change your thinking that weight loss = success, it really REALLY doesn't.
BIG hugs to you all..
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