On and off disorder..
I tried throwing up when I was about 9-10 because I saw it on tv and I've always been chubby, so I wanted to find out if it worked. I only did it for 3 days because it hurt. Going to middle school I weighed X lbs.. I was fat. I would do it ever once in a while whenever I thought I are too much. Then the following year I weighed X I believe. Still FAT so towards my school year at the age of 14 I started purging when I was at home and not eating breakfast just a tiny milk. I would exercise a lot during the summer. I stopped purging because i noticed that i couldnt hold the food in my stomach anymore. I lost about X lbs I was happy but I gained it all back my sophomore year. Now I'm going to be a junior in high school (X lbs sophomore year)and I feel so frustrated. I workout at home or the gym and I count my calories I stay under X a day. Whenever I eat out with my family I'm so ashamed because just a single side has X calories not adding the drink and the meal itself.. So I feel so guilty and puke that out. I just want to be thin again I feel like I can stop myself whenever I want to but then again that's what everyone says.. And they can't. I just hope to one day be thin and healthy that's all I wish for I don't want to be the fat kid that can NEVER wear a two piece bathing suit to the beach.
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