Your bulimia recovery
Tap here to read more about the bulimia recovery program

My online program and private recovery community has helped hundreds of women beat bulimia.
Click here to learn more

Beat bulimia using my online recovery program and private community. Hundreds of women who were just like you have done the same!

Click here to learn more Member Login

Not sure if I want to stop

by Abigail
(Illinoi)

My name is Abigail. I am 17 years old, and a junior in college couble majoring in Biology and Spanish with a 4.0. Everyone loves me and thinks I'm soooo smart. Yea...not smart enough to be healthy though.
I started controlling my eating every once in awhile in high school, toying with ana. I started a food diary, but it would only last a few months each time. I would restrict to under X or under X calories a day, but I was on swim team so I would stop when I hit a day where I did not have enough energy for practice. Looking back at this diary, I realized I began restricting on October 1st three different years in a row. Coincidence probably, but made me wonder a bit about seasonal depression type stuff.
Once I entered college, I still lived at home but my parents couldn't see what I was eating as much. I restricted and dropped about X pounds, to around X (I'm 5"4). After awhile I started allowing myself to binge on weekends so I could make it through a week of restriction. Then I started throwing up on those days because I would literally eat thousands of calories. At first I hated it, but it got soooooo much easier after a bit.
THen, I didn't clean well enough and my parents accused me of being bulimic multiple times. They actually heard m puking once which really screwed me over. Weirdly enough, after them catching me I now am almost strictly bulimic, I can't go days without eating because they would notice that. However, anytime they are away from home I head straight for the kitchen. I went through a phase where I was spending a ton of money in drive throughs and going to a mcdonalds and puking before coming home. I stopped that for the sake of money, but I still binge all the time.
They've had me seeing a counselor, but I lie to her and say that I am not doing it anymore. It's just too embarrassing to admit. Why would I tell a stranger that I B/P most days and sometimes multiple times on crazy amounts of calories? My parents are threatening to send me to rehab and at 17 my counselor can still talk to them-if I act like I can't control it, they will do that to me and I can't afford to miss my classes.
Meanwhile, I've developed major alcohol abuse problems (like the 60% of bulimics with other addictions) to the point that I'm such an idiot that I stole alcohol at work and literally blacked out and lied saying I was sick and left work. My boss noticed, and my parents caught me and forced me to quit that job. I'm about to see a new counselor, and I'm going to try to be completely honest.I have GOT to get the alcohol under control. But...the bulimia is still hard to tell the truth about. I don't know if I want to give it up. It's my security blanket. That sounds so fucked up but does anyone else know what I mean?

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.

 

 

Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program