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Not really a question. For Shaye x

You answered a ramble from me a little while ago.

Ive been meaning to write something again for a long time but life, love, bulimia, got in the way.

I wrote to you about my weight and how from a very young age ive been ridiculously heavier than everyone else, even those who LOOK heavier than me. You wrote an unbelievably personal sensitive reply, and i just wanted to write again to let you know how appreciated it is.

You're an unbelievable person. A massive inspiration and role model to all of us. It amazes me how you find the time to reply to each and every one of us, so quickly, and with such a depth of concentration and understanding! Are you a super woman? Is it really you every time?? You're wonderful.

I'm coming to the time in my life now where bulimia is losing it's importance and its appeal. Unfortunately it is still a part of my life, and i'll still go through periods where i feel im the most terrible disgrace of a person for being like this and 'living' my life in this way. BUT! You and your site have helped me take some massive, hopefully penultimate steps towards a much happier life. You've helped me look back and compare to how I was at the beginning, 7 years, 5 years, and most markedly one year ago! Ive come such a long way! Completely on my own and I'm so proud of myself. Its slow, but the only way is forward and I'm excited about my new life!

I've now put on weight and remain at a steady 11.5 stone and no longer feel so bad on it. I daily eat the things I love, such as toast, nuts, seeds and raisins. I have even been known to enjoy a bite of cake or chocolate. I can eeeeeeven have a proper full meal (if a light one) every single evening!! These things are such a massive massive achievements for me and sometimes they are easy to over look when one is feeling down or stumbles into a binge (which does happen from time to time).

I am also becoming accustomed to my emotions (i have an on off relationship with the love of my life) and am learning how to deal with the raw elation and also pain life brings. I also share my feelings with trusted people when I remember to, always reminding myself that they are there and I'm not alone. I'm also learning that its ok to cry infront of them.

Next month (after lots of hard work and striiiving to not spend my pennies on binge food!!) I am flying to New Zealand with a years working visa. This is something I have always wanted to do but always been so scared because of the prospect of what I will eat when traveling and who will make me eat it. Those anxieties are no longer there and i can not WAIT to find a fresh start and harness some major adventure!! It's so exciting!!

Sorry this message is so long, i just wanted to tell you how I'm doing, and illustrate the kind of impact your work is having on such vulnerable needy people, you know it more than anything.
You are fantastic.

Once I've finished my year in NZ I hope that I can follow you in your path in some way.

Thank you so much for who you are.


Shaye Says

Hi Ellen!

Wow, what an awesome message to receive :) Thank you for taking the time to write it - I really do appreciate it so much!

I'm not super woman at all - very far from it! I am lucky enough to work from home and to have enough time to be able to reply to everyone... Sometimes I plan on writing a quick note... but it never happens - there is always so much to say! There is so much wonder and joy in this life - and I want everyone to know it and experience it!

You are doing so well in this journey - you have learnt so much and already you are experiencing such changes in your life... I promise you, the further along you get - the more beautiful your life will become!

Especially since you're coming to New Zealand ;) But maybe I'm a little bias and this is my country! Who are you traveling with? Are you coming alone? If you are - wow - I admire you - I have never been brave enough to travel alone! Your coming in the middle of winter - so expect the weather to suck for a while... but, at least you'll have a full beautiful NZ summer here... which you can't beat in my opinion! If you like the snow though - you'll be okay... Go to Queenstown - apparently it's like heaven! I can't believe I've never been! Where are you working - or don't you know yet? I'd try Queenstown for winter - bay of islands for summer! ahhh that would be amazing!

Wow, I'm rambling aren't I! It's my turn to ask lots of questions! If you have any questions about NZ, message me via the contact page and we can get in touch :)

Keep up your awesome work!

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program