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no end

by Amanda james
(regina sask)

The image in my head
Near and near i get its only dread
What if i get there and its not good enough
I fear im going down a road long and rough
There really is no end
I have to stop and pretend
That im ok, to go through another day
Dont eat and you will be ok
Day after day, im not ok
Im getting smaller thats true
But my body is weakening and thats cleat to
My mind is confused my judgment is missing
If i eat something bad its the toilet ill be kissing
im starving, but i dont feel the pang
iv ignored it for so long its a distant whisper
until my body kicks in and i lose control
eating everything in sight, then my mind takes hold
regret,disgust, shame, its always the same
I have to get rid of it or else ill gain
i cant deal with this amount of shame, its a cycle that i cant stop
its my own little game

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